Starting the courtship (Gentleman; the surest way to go. Ladies take note if they can’t fulfill these; they aren’t worth your time)
NOTE: This guide is more for serious long term relationship seekers.
Once you know what kind relationship you want, is time to make a move. I’m not going to describe how a girl should chase after a guy he likes as I’m not a girl and I’m don’t know and I don’t know how far would girls actually go to get the guy they want (except in movies or dramas)
But rather I’m going to go step by step on how to make an impression to the girl whom the guy likes. I may not have all the answers to woo-ing but I do have the basics of it. These details are also for the Ladies to judge which are the guy(s) that are worthy of your time.
To the guys out there; always follow this 1 golden rule when comes to courtship:
******Make sure the girl is comfortable with you******
Don’t let her feel that you are doing thing deliberately to woo her. If she feels uncomfortable when having conversation with you then you got to back off a little. And also don’t be dishearten if the she already knows you took a liking to her. When in doubt, refer back to the golden rule. ‘Make sure the girl is comfortable with you’
Why when you like the girl, you cannot keep ‘pressing forward’ in conversation especially when she has not taken a liking towards you yet. Unless she likes you then pressing forward might work. But going over her boundaries when liking hasn’t develop most probably scare her away. Moreover:
******* The best part of a relationship is having something/someone new coming into their life to make them happier on top of her joy/interests she already has in his/her current life*******
Based on this, if she feels uneasy with the direct conversation you tried to woo her with, then chances are you won’t be short-listed as her potential partner as she is not comfortable with you (Golden Rule)
I seen many peoples’ courtship fails and they commonly asked why they don’t get another chance to date the girl they like after just 1 to 3 meetings. Clearly is because they are not comfortable with the guy during the date.
Ok now the questions ask; what to do or what kind of conversation should be made during the date. Follow this rule:
*******Be interested in her views and what she likes to do*******
Follow the golden rule (Make sure the girl is comfortable with you), strike conversation of what interest her and what she likes to do (Example: Shopping, movie, sports) It will be awesome if you could go for (and enjoy) the activities she likes on the dates.
******Be Sincere******
Conversation skill requires time which can be quite a challenge if you are the ‘shy type’. But always remember that being sincere is the most important as I know of well spoken guys losing out in courtship to the nerdy ones. That example clearly shows that sincerity is what clearly counts to a Lady looking for a long term relationship. Many Ladies especially the matured thinking ones are immune to ‘insincere’ sweet talking guys especially those they had already seen a lot. But sincere praises like “You look wonderful today” will work wonders.
*****A guys who has the same interest as the girl will interest her further*****
Imagine if a girl enjoys shopping and her guy follows her and enjoy being with her when she shops. Wouldn’t it be interesting? Let me be honest with you here that out of every 10 girls I know, 8 will enjoy shopping. That is a whooping 80%. Typical girls like to look pretty and shopping is the only way (Including online shopping).
I’m putting shopping solution here because it is a highly common interest for Singaporean Ladies at least. When a guy is allowed to follow a girl out to shopping date the girl wants the guy to feel comfortable too. Is a common mistake of guys to stay outside the shop while letting the date go into the shop doing shopping alone. The girl will uncomfortable as she feels she left her date outside thinking he doesn’t enjoy it. In the near future, she will strike off any shopping trip with the guy which is a very bad thing.
Then the question will pop out how then you can enjoy shopping with a girl? Answer is be involved in her shopping. Example if you are constantly next to her when she shops, she might ask you which pair of shoes are nice on her and such. You can casually break the ice by pop your opinions saying ‘that pair you initially picked looks much nicer’ and so on. Remember always be sincere with your answers and soon your date shopping trip can be of interest to you. Of course don’t pick clothes that are skimpy and say it will look great on her unless she is outright naughty.
(If shopping has been constantly fun for both of you, shopping dates MAY go into another level. What I mean is she might bring you to the lingerie department if she isn’t shy about it. If you are shy then this will be challenging for you are going to need to battle your ‘shyness’. If you are on individual date with her and she did that, chances are you are highly recognized in her good books. But if you ask whether she will agree to be your girlfriend at that point, I cannot answer you as it varies from girls. At that point, you have to judge yourself.)
Now this is important, take note:
*******The best guy to a girl is always someone who ensures her safety********
In my personnel opinion, this is a critical point to take note. Regardless where you live, future dates are often guaranteed if you ensured the girl that you had been with you all day had safely returned home. In short, be a gentleman and send her home. I had close female friends whom all actually said they would insist the guy not to do it because it caused inconvenience, but deep inside them they will be impressed if the guy insisted for her safety. I’m being serious that all the girls I ever asked actually would like to have the guy to ensure her safety home. That itself justify the theory saying that Ladies say ‘1’ but they actually mean ‘2’ or probably want ‘3’ Hahaha….
Ok jokes aside. Be a gentleman and send the date home (to her doorsteps please) then make your way home by any means. Remember to thank her for her time and that you enjoyed being with her. If she had been comfortable with you during the date, you can be assured of another chance for a date.
(If your date ask why are you insist on sending her home, you can quote me as in the in the 1990s, there was a case when a someone left the girlfriend at the 1st floor of her HDB and went off, she was raped by a group of unknown people along the corridor staircase on her way home. If the guy actually made an extra effort to send her to her doorsteps, such emotional scar won’t be hunting the girl. And adding on, nowadays such corridor rape case is still happening once in a while so this is my principle to ensure my date reached home safely regardless what she says. Just tell her that you hope she can allow you to ensure her safety. Chances are she won’t say no unless she is very uncomfortable with you or find you a prevent which is not likely if you had followed the principles of what I typed so far)
(If shopping can reach another level, sending her home can too. Take note if she did invite you over before or after a date to her house [for a drink or meet her parents]. Don’t be shy but be polite and confident. If you are presentable, you’ll be fine. If you can leave a good impression, you’re into her and her family’s good books. But if you ask again whether she will agree to be your girlfriend at that point, I still cannot answer you as it varies from girls. At that point, you have to judge yourself.)
In summary, if you had remembered when I shared about relationship difference from John Gray’s book that Lady’s way of judging is giving 1 point for every good impression made by his date. But you can actually earn bulks of points for being gentleman and doing things that most other dates of the lady failed to do. Indeed sending your date back to her doorstep take a lot of effort especially if you don’t have a car. But that by itself can show your sincerity and because of the effort of being a gentleman, it will definitely leave a perfect impression behind.
*****You can win the lady’s heart even if you did not outright ask her to be your girlfriend*****
If you had followed all these carefully, bit by bit the lady will notice you to be potential mate even when you didn’t outright asked her to be your girlfriend. Chances are if another person tries to hijack your girl by asking her before you did, what impress you done so far will come to play. If she had been very happy with you, she will come back and hint to you. This is a gamble which I don’t really suggest. But what I am trying to say is that if you had done your courtship impression well, half the battle is won for you even when you didn’t outright ask her to be your girlfriend. Your potential hijackers will be left with odds unfavorable to him. Of course your girl must be smart enough not to say yes to every request without reviewing what the available option(s) she has.
So if you can’t wait forever, then what is the right time to ask? I cannot give the exact days as well because I have seen and heard courtship ranging from 1 week to 3 years. But what is important is:
*****Before you ask the girl to be your soul mate, make sure you are ‘sure of yourself’ as the asking part can make or break the entire courtship process****
Stressful isn’t it? I seen guys doing well throughout the courtship but when the time to ask the girl comes, he screwed up because he could not answer the question why he wants her to be his girlfriend. Such unsure character can break your future chances of asking her again so make sure you know what you are in for before you approach.
I’m listing some of the common questions:
- Why do you want her to be your girlfriend
- How far can you picture yourself being with her
- Can you see the future with her
- Is being boy girlfriend so important
- Is there a difference being friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend
I got a standard template answer which I am not going to share. If it comes from your heart when you put in many thoughts, the answer will more or less be the same as mine. When in doubt about your own feelings, just remember that Love is about her, not I. As a ‘propose-er’, all answers to these questions should come naturally to you. If you are unsure to any of the questions, is a clear sign that you do not know what you want from the relationship which could set the relationship in a wrong direction when jumping straight into it.
*****During the asking process, be prepared for many questions pop up to you from her. This is natural as she wants to be sure of herself and sure about you. Her hesitant is not a ‘no’ unless she says ‘no’*****
******* When in doubt, refer to golden rule ‘make sure she is comfortable’ If she doesn’t want to answer at the point, don’t force her to. Carry on what you are doing (shopping, sporting etc) and look for a quiet place to chat and ask her again nicely. My girlfriend of since 2003, back then took nearly 3 over hours of ‘shy-ness’ before I could get an answer. So be patient. Just be sure and sincere and let her decide. *****
Click Here to Read The Next Topic: Building a Happy and Healthy Relationship