One of the rules of having a relationship that doesn’t hurt anyone is clearing knowing what one actually wants out of the relationship which I hope this post can clearly define.
Being lost on what form of relationship you want out of your partner can be a painful process especially when expectation from both parties is different. Take for example a Lady is looking for a life-long partner while the guy is just wanting the relationship out of fun. When time for relationship to move forward to next step, it can easily experience a jam leading to eventual break-up. Often than not, such break-ups are often painful.
But I’m not saying that all relationship must start off with both partners knowing what they want out of the future as I had seen relationship going from puppy love or just for fun, to serious long term relationship. But sad to say, I also seen many relationships where couples start off wanting a life-long relationship but turned into a dragging one where both just stayed in the relationship because they have been in it for a long time although without anymore feelings for each other.
I know is harsh to say but there are also many people in relationships still do not know what they clearly want out of it. I hope what I posted could give everyone a clearer view of what category they fall under. Knowing what one wants out of their own relationship can ensure that they themselves and their partner doesn’t get hurt unnecessary during they’re relationship changing phase when noticing they’re just not meant to be.
Now let me define some of the relationship which people commonly look for, definition and the Root/Strength that held the relationship together:
Fun: As described, just getting into a relationship for the fun of it
(Relationship exists in a day to day with no clear future in sight. There is no clear strength in the relationship. If there is, is probably just for fun)
Puppy Love: Relationship where you like the person but without the future in sight.
Love as long as you feel but not able to picture (clearly) beyond marriage.
(Couple will be unable to picture clearly the future of their relationship. They might also be trying to look at the future naively or unrealistically. The strength of the relationship based on how long they’re naive-ness last)
Status: A relationship based on external factor.
Together because of object, celebrity/popular status, external look etc.
(The relationships only last until the external factor importance remain existence. In short if the lady likes the guy riches, the relationship will collapsed once the lady does not find the guys riches is important to her anymore. This can also refer to when the liking is based on looks like to just be with the school’s prettiest girl or handsome boy. Once the person finds another prettier or more handsome than the current, the relationship will fall apart. The strength of the relationship is of course based on the external factor importance existence)
Memory: You just want a feel of what is like to be in a relationship.
Is close to ‘fun’ but you are hopeful it can be sweet.
(Curious about how is like being in the relationship. The relationship is usually trying to go as long as possible. Couple might also be trying to picture the future realistically but not much. Strength of the relationship is based on how much you realize the Significant Others importance to you)
Emotional: You just need that emotional support from the relationship.
Commonly developed from best friends to boy girlfriend.
Can often drive into long-term when the feeling ‘understanding’ is strong.
(This group of couple looking for emotional needs usually understands one another well and will be constantly working to make it a live-long relationship. The strength of the relationship during the phase is based on how long the emotional support is needed)
Soul Mate: You love the other person and want to spend the rest of your life together.
You want to know or you actually know each other’s character He/She is the one you go to for emotional support most of the time
You see the future beyond marriage or even at old age (Realistically)
Beauty is often judge internally rather than externally
(This is usually the most matured form of relationship. It is also something most people wants out of their own relationship but have many problems reaching. Relationship journey is often long and reaching this stage may take a while or may even sway away (sad to say). Strength of the relationship is often based on acceptance of one another)
I would like to highlight again that many people I know often asked themselves and others what they are actually looking for in a relationship. Regardless of the type of relationship, what is the most important in fact is having partner who has the same common goal in a relationship as you. The relationship with couples having a common goal tend to be more meaningful and not to mention that break-ups tend to be non-devastating. If you actually notice carefully most of the time, those couples that broke-up and still can remain as good friends are usually those who enter relationship with a common goal. This is usually due to the fact that when goals are common but relationship fails, break-ups are usually mutual understanding.
And more often than not, couples who break-up realizing their goals had all the while been different will be left with plenty of sour feelings. An example you can think about is when a girl goes into a relationship looking for a soul mate life long relationship but broke-up realizing that the guy she was all along with was just after her good looks and left her for another girl. Can you imagine how sour the girl will feel? Chances of being future friends after this kind of break-ups are rarely possible due to the emotional scar left behind. Looking even further, once the guy matures and noticed how much emotional scar he had brought to the poor girl, he will have a guilt scar for himself for the wrongdoing he had done (If he is humane enough). Look around you those friends’ break-ups that had occurred and you will understand what I am trying to bring across.
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